Grown Up

Today was a lovely day, especially for my cousin. Why, because it was my cousin's wedding. She and I, actually, were different in 10 month of age. She was born in January 1990 and I was in October at the same year. So this day we have the same age, yes 23 years old. I'm very happy that she could met her prince and got married in her 23rd. Am I jealous? Haha... of course, lol :p, but maybe this time I haven't met my prince yet, not this time, but maybe soon, hehehe, aamiin~

Well, actually, I'm not going to talk about that, but for other thing I've realized when I saw all my cousins gathered in the wedding party. I realized something that maybe often appear in my thought, but I don't care for it. What is that? We've grown up!

Ten years ago or more, maybe my cousins and I were used to be together. We lived at the same place, in Balubur Bandung, at my grandmother's house. We were grown up together at that place happily. We used to  gather at the back room to play some games, such as monopoly, cards, computer, and so on. We used to make some jokes, pick up some jambu air, take a walk to Taman Ganesha in every weekend, go to the market and help my grandmother to cook, go to the mosque, swim at Karangsetra, have picnic in some places, and many more we used to do together.

But today, one of my cousins, have a marriage. Even, one of them has a daughter. Yes, we've grown up now, and every time we will grow up. The time goes so fast. I don't know what will happen in the next ten years. Maybe we will be together again, but in different situation. Maybe we will bring our beloved children, and we will talk as parents who tell the stories of our children, we will not play like we used to be, but maybe our children will do. Yes, maybe the future will be like that.

Aahhh~ I really miss my childhood time. The time when we're still together in the old house which now have gone because it had been renovated, and it doesn't belong to us anymore. The jambu air  was gone, the atmosphere of the old house was missing, and we're really missing the memories of our childhood. Because, we've grown up now. The life we choose will bring us to the path we have chosen. Maybe that old time was gone, but never with it's memories.

When Life should be Chosen

For the first time in my blog, I'm going to write about what happen to my mom. It has been three years that my mom is suffering breast cancer. At the first time she knew that she had that deadly sickness, there was a bump in her left breast. So, she decided to check it through biopsy, a medical test commonly performed by a surgeon or an interventional radiologist involving sampling of cells or tissues for examination (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/biopsy), took the sample of the cancer cell. However, it was getting worse after this took, my family decided that my mom should have a cancer surgery. My mom actually didn't feel well, she didn't want to have the surgery. But, a doctor, who is also my family, really suggested that if it was liked the only way to survive. Then, my mother went to hospital to do some procedures before she had a surgery. I didn't know why, but it was a long and complicated procedure. The doctor who gave an appointment with my mother didn't come. So my mother finally decided to cancel the surgery. My mother has decided to do some alternative therapies to heal herself from cancer.

As time goes by, my mother has some alternative therapies, such as drink soursop leaf tea, which is known as the best medicine for cancer, drink mangosteen juice, some herbs, sarang semut tea, eat more vegetables and fruits, and many more. We (me, my sisters, and my father) also should follow her diet. However, my mother becomes so sensitive. She's easy to get angry or annoyed if we do some mistakes. As the first daughter, I do almost household duties. My mother's condition is never stabil, sometimes looks healthy but other times she is weak. She becomes so resentful. So my father often tells us not to tell our problems to her.

Someday, my mother's condition became so weak, then I was afraid maybe my mother didn't have much time anymore. She was depressed because of her choice not to take the surgery. The doctor in my family really stressed that she must take it if she wanted to survive. And it really became her stressful topic in her mind. And one thing that made her really depressed that the doctor said if she still didn't take the surgery, she would die in 6 months later. Oh God! Why did he say that to his own cousin? It made me really mad, and of course all my family did. We'd tried to give her spirit, reliance, optimism, and hope, that she still has chance to survive. We never know when we will die, but we will someday, for sure. Not him who knew the answer when we will die, but HIM! Only HIM! Sometime, medical treatment is always be the first choice for people. So, maybe some doctors will be proud of their ability to cure sick people. However, sometime they forget that, who only can cure people is not them, but HIM up there. That should be remembered!

For now, my mother still commits what she has decided. She wears a kind of waistcoat for cancer therapy which invented by Dr. Wasito, in Tangerang. We should have great optimism that my mother will be recovered soon from her cancer. Although some people out there maybe furious why we do not decide to take the surgery, my mother keeps steadfast to face this all, and she still tries to get healthy again. Even she told me that she was grateful with this, because she can feel that she can be closer to HIM. Yes, I hope so. I hope that this sickness will abort all her mistakes, just like what Rasulullah (PBUH) had said. I can only hope the best for her.

One Step Closer

One step closer.....
The title isn't in A Thousand Year's lyric, but it is about my age, my life, and my future. Well, today is my birthday. From now on, I'm a 23 year old woman. Woman? Yes, I'm not a young girl anymore, although I always wish that this would be always my forever 20th birthday, then I will always be young, haha!

Maturity, a word that will always be considered. Actually I don't know what happened to my 22nd age. I was really under pressure, I felt that it was not myself. My ego was really uncontrolled. What I felt was that I wanted to be free, to let me out from my problems, and I really wanted to go somewhere I never knew. Those all really made me confused, fed up, and crazy. Yes, that was true! But I'd tried to hold on with my life. Then, I passed through those all. Alhamdulillah, I came back to my normal self. I hate my 22 which I wished that I would be more fortunate. However, I should thank that Allah still give me many chances to do, to fix all.

Well, today is my birthday. Nothing special in my birthday. No party (of course), no candle (of course, it's forbidden in Islam), no cake, or else, less felicitation from my family and friends, but there are always prayers for me from those one I always love, this is the most important!

I realize that in this my 23rd age, I should become stronger, more creative, braver, and better than previous. I should get closer with Allah, because I know that I'm getting closer to the door of my death. Yes, that is  the one I always should remember. I only hope for the best. The best I can do, the best also I can get. And I have many prayers that in my 23rd year old, I hope my all targets will be coming true.

One step closer to success
One step closer to happiness
One step closer to death